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A New Season

For nearly 12 years, I’ve had the privilege of serving on the drums at church. helping lead worship, growing alongside incredible musicians, and being part of something bigger than myself. And for almost 11 of those years, I’ve shared pieces of that journey here through videos. It’s been a meaningful ride, and I don’t take a single moment of it for granted.

When I think back on all those years, a lot comes to mind. Early mornings, late-night rehearsals, learning new songs, building relationships with other musicians, and stepping on stage week after week with the same goal: to serve and help create an environment where people can worship. There have been moments where everything just clicked. When the band was locked in, the room was engaged, and you could feel that connection that goes beyond music. Those moments are hard to put into words, but they’ve meant a lot to me.

I’m deeply thankful for every opportunity I’ve had to serve. I’m thankful for every person who’s poured into me, challenged me, and helped me grow, not just as a drummer, but as a person. There are lessons I’ve learned along the way about preparation, humility, teamwork, and consistency that have shaped me in ways I didn’t fully realize at the time. I’ve tried to pass some of those lessons on through the videos I’ve shared, and I hope they’ve encouraged someone out there along the way.

This past weekend marked my last time playing for a while, and it was a special one for me.

Going into Sunday, I knew it would be my last time behind the kit for this season, and something shifted. I wasn’t overthinking like I normally do. I wasn’t trying to prove anything or play everything perfectly. I just played. And because of that, I think I enjoyed it more than I have in a long time.

The interaction with the band felt natural. The energy on stage was real. Worship felt genuine. I found myself leading from behind the drums in a way that felt free rather than forced. It reminded me of why I started doing this in the first place.

I love music.

I love how it brings people together.

And I love being able to contribute in a way that supports something bigger than myself.

A few people knew it was my last Sunday for a while, and their encouragement meant more than they probably realized. Sometimes it’s the small conversations, the quick “I appreciate you,” or the simple acknowledgment that sticks with you.

After service, I shared a video update, and the response has been really encouraging. A lot of kind words, a lot of support, and a lot of people reaching out. I’m grateful for that. At the same time, I’m learning to receive those things without letting them define me. That’s been part of my growth in this season, being thankful for encouragement, but not dependent on it.

Because if I’ve learned anything over the past year, it’s that identity and value can’t be built on feedback, good or bad. That’s something I’m still working through, but I’m more aware of it now than I’ve ever been. I’m reminded of what it says in Proverbs 29:25, that the fear of man is a trap. I’ve fallen into that trap before, letting opinions, responses, or lack of response shape how I see myself. I don’t want to live there anymore.

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And that brings me to the shift.

As I step into the clinical phase of my graduate program to become an LPC, life is about to get very full. Between a full-time job, classes, internship hours, and family, I’ve had to take an honest look at what I can realistically give my time and energy to.

And the truth is, something had to give.

As much as I love drumming, and I truly do, I don’t feel like I can give it the preparation and attention it deserves right now. For me, that matters. I’ve always tried to approach playing with a level of excellence and intentionality, and I don’t want to do it halfway. Colossians 3:23 says to work at everything as if you are working for the Lord, and that has always been my mindset when it comes to playing. If I can’t give it that level of focus right now, then it’s time to step back.

So for this season, I’ll be stepping away from drumming.

That wasn’t an easy decision. This has been a big part of my life for a long time. But I also believe there are seasons where you’re called to shift your focus, even if it means stepping away from something you love. Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us that there is a time for everything, a time to step in, and a time to step away. I believe this is one of those moments.

This isn’t goodbye to church, far from it. I’ll still be there with Cindy and the boys, just in a different role. Instead of being behind the drums, I’ll be in the room, present in a different way. And honestly, I’m looking forward to that.

I think this season is going to be a reset in a lot of ways.

A chance to focus on school and continue growing in a new direction.

A chance to be more present with my family.

And maybe even a chance to rediscover the joy of playing music without some of the pressure that can come along with it.

Because at the end of the day, music has always been something I love, not something I want to feel weighed down by.

That love hasn’t gone anywhere.

If anything, I think this break will help me reconnect with it in a healthier way.

I’m incredibly grateful to God for the gift of drumming and for every door it’s opened over the years. I’m grateful for every stage I’ve played on, every musician I’ve shared it with, and every opportunity I’ve had to serve.

And I’m especially thankful for all of you who’ve followed along, whether through videos, conversations, or just quiet support from a distance. It means more than you probably know.

This isn’t the end of the story; it’s just a new chapter.

I don’t know exactly what it will look like yet, but I’m trusting the process. I’m trusting that this season has purpose, even if it feels different from what I’m used to.

Here’s to growth.

Here’s to new seasons.

And here’s to trusting where God leads next.

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The Lifestyle of Worship

Worship is a lifestyle of sacrifice. Paul wrote in Romans 12 about being a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. Paul continues his thought on worship saying that attaining this lifestyle comes from not being conformed but transformed by the renewing of your mind. Paul also poses the question of, “What captivates your thoughts?”

Is Jesus the center of your thought life?

The sad fact is most of us would say no, Jesus is not the center of my thought life or the center of my life at all. We have conformed to the cultural standards that a relationship with Jesus only happens on Sundays or Wednesdays. The cultural standard says a relationship with Jesus works when it is convenient and when God does what I ask Him to do.  I believe that there is a scary trend in our culture that faith or “going to church” is the next fade. In our current situation people are flocking to church/religion, but for what reasons? Is it truly for hope, peace, faith, a relationship with Jesus? I cannot be the judge of that person’s intentions, but I do know that the “Church” has a tremendous opportunity to preach the Gospel and speak well of Jesus.

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So, let us not conform any longer, but be transformed into a lifestyle of worship. Students and adults alike need to defy the trends of the culture and start living by the word of God. Let’s make scripture the lens that we live life from. If we will transform our thought life to run everything through the lens of scripture, our world will become more of a representation of the Gospel. We will accomplish Matthew 28:19 and Acts 1:8. We will push the kingdom of God forward instead of building our own kingdoms where we sit on the throne of laziness and complacency. Our current culture needs Hope! Hope has a name and His name is Jesus.

I am always intrigued by scripture and the events that happened. In Mark, there is an account of Jairus, a synagogue leader than comes to Jesus asking Him to heal his daughter. Jesus, on the way to Jairus’ house, feels someone touch his cloak. The scripture says that large crowds were following Jesus to watch the miracles He was performing and listening to His teachings. Amongst the crowd, someone reached out and touched Him. I would imagine this was a pretty normal occurrence, but there was something different about this touch that made Jesus stop and turn around. Scripture says that a woman who had been bleeding for twelve years touched Jesus’ cloak in hopes to be healed. No big deal, right? Well, I think it needs a little more investigation. I think there are some really important lessons we could learn if we will stop and look to see what scripture is offering us. Culturally the woman should not have been there. She had been to many doctors and they could not figure out why she was bleeding. She would have been considered unclean and not welcomed in town. But the one quality of the woman is her persistence to get close to Jesus. I often ask myself that question, when the odds are stacked against me, when the culture condemns me, am I willing to continue pursuing Jesus. Am I hungry for the Lord? I believe that is why Jesus turns around. Jesus says, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” I think Jesus knew all the obstacles, the suffering, and the faith it took to reach out.  I want that kind of hunger for Jesus.

Jesus has afforded His disciples to go speak on His behalf, but the reality is are you speaking for Jesus, the Gospel, or are you speaking your own form of religion that puts you at the center and the deity to be worshipped? I want a faith where I fall at the feet of Jesus just like the suffering woman did.  I want a faith that I worship Jesus only. Not what culture demands or the next trend, but a lifestyle of sacrifice for the King of Kings!

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Months ago, I started seeking wisdom from businessmen that I knew personally about a decision I was making. I chose men who are genuine and honest and I knew I could trust them. They were all very kind to let me have several hours out of their busy day. I had a set of six questions I used to interview them and I was excited to hear their answers. I trust these men’s words of wisdom and advice, not only from a business perspective but also as a follower of Christ. My “M.O.” was to meet in a coffee shop, share a cup of joe, and gain as much wisdom as I could. I really wanted to just listen and not talk. I asked my questions and tried to write down everything that was said. In one of these meetings, we met in a local coffee shop and sat down at a farm table to drink coffee and discuss the questions I had. I would say it was one of the best meetings when the person I was interviewing turned the questions back on me. “What’s your why?” he asked. Then he gave me the title of a book to read. “Start with Why” This book pushed me to think about my career and what I want to accomplish. After reading and analyzing the book, I had to own some of my shortcomings and address the underlying issues. It was a kick in the pants that I needed. It was what I needed to move forward in making a decision.

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I have always been an authentic person and don’t mind telling my story in hopes that God will use it to help other people. So, let’s discuss some of the issues I had to address. Through reading several books, I realized I had some major flaws, catastrophic some might say, that needed to be fixed. The first major flaw that was staring me in the face was that I had lost trust in Jesus to work His plan for my life. I was constantly pushing my agenda and asking God why it wasn’t working. Now, is there some backstory that may have caused me to move in this direction? Sure, but in the end, it was my choice to lack trust and step out to do things my own way. On several occasions, I found myself wanting to compare my situation to others, telling myself “If I say and do all the right things to impress this person then I’ll get promoted too.” or “If I play perfectly this Sunday, then maybe I’ll be considered for other playing opportunities outside of Sunday mornings.” It was only after a lot of frustration and praying did God begin to show me where I had stopped trusting and started manipulating. So, I am owning my part and trusting God to work His plan for my life. I am not trying to build my own platform, but I am willing to let God build whatever platform He deems worthy for me to occupy. I was trying to kick open every door that I came in contact with. To me, every opportunity was carrying major weight and implications, but God had not put those there. I was putting them there and causing myself a lot of pain. I was the only one stressed and losing sleep at night.

The second major issue that needed to be addressed was I had started checking the box for a quiet time. This lack of trust had bled over into my relationship with Jesus. I was reading the devotion and scripture, but not really investing in my time with Him. Why would God want anything to do with me? I’m a failure. Just writing that out…it is amazing how quickly your thoughts can turn toxic and you find yourself in a nasty place. Now, I also know I had some help from the enemy. The Apostle Paul talks at length about captivating your thoughts so you are not taken captive and you can set the captives free. I had been taken captive to self-deprecating and believing I had fallen out of favor with God. I was encouraged by a colleague to read the book “Rooted.” I think it was by divine appointment to have the conversation and to put me in front of a book I desperately needed to read. It was a call to return to the scripture and remember the roots that were planted by that stream of water in Psalms. It was a call to trust again in what God has for me. Being in scripture is the only way to truly develop a level of trust and to put that trust into practice. Finding yourself trying to operate outside of scripture is not a place that anyone should be. It’s a hopeless, anxiety-filled place that is not healthy. There is a reason we have the inspired Word of God. So, I have been back in the Word admitting, repenting, and trying to understand God’s unconditional love for me. 

Now back to the meetings, I said I would meet these men in coffee shops. Well, some weeks after our meeting at the local coffee shop, I had the opportunity to buy that table. Now some might say it has “character” after being in a coffee shop. There were dents and dings and scratches. The table had seen good use and was fulfilling its duty at the coffee shop. With all the spare time from the quarantine, I was able to refinish the table. I sanded the old stain off to get down to the original wood. The legs needed some freshening up and in general, the table needed a little TLC. As I worked on the table, I kept hearing this voice in my head. “It’s not easy, is it? It takes time. It takes care and love that you thought was impossible.” The table project began to take on a whole new meaning. I realized God was working on me like I was working on the table. Taking the old away and sanding away the rough edges. There are still dents and dings, but that gives the table character. I stained the table, painted the legs, and put on new felt pads for the feet to sit on our hardwood floors. It now sits in our kitchen where we use it every day. It is still a table fulfilling its purpose but in a different capacity. Instead of it being thrown away the table went from a coffee shop to our family. It has been renewed. Romans says to be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  

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I find myself being repurposed/renewed for the kingdom. If God wants me in a classroom to teach then I will be the best teacher I can be to push the kingdom forward. If God wants me behind a drum set, then I will drum my heart out for the kingdom. What I have had to relearn is to trust what God is doing. I believe God sees all and knows all. It is not my job to seek justice or point out fallacies in others. God deals with all of His children just like He is dealing with me.  I will leave it up to Him and His timing. I am waiting on doors to open and I am trying really hard not to kick open any door that is not for me. I know I am a child of God and I am loved. My value, identity, and self-worth come from Him alone. I don’t have to be perfect, He is already perfect for me. Maybe there are some struggles you are having and you need a reminder to get back into scripture, to enjoy the unconditional love God has for you, maybe it’s to let God open doors of opportunity or maybe it’s to let God fight for you and not fight against Him. 

 

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As I sat and listened to my pastor talk about walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I was prompted in my spirit to give thanks to God. I have not walked in the wilderness as the nation of Israel did in the Old Testament. I do not know the pain of physical bondage or the hunger pains as they walked through the desert. However, there is something I have learned from reading scripture…the nation of Israel and David did not stay in the wilderness or in the valley. God brought them through an incredibly difficult time. They were never alone; they were never asked to do something God had not already done or was going to do in the future.

artem-sapegin-229391As many of you know, I have the privilege of drumming at Bethlehem Church. Pastor Jason has been preaching about emotional health and continues to address “hot topics” that our current culture is struggling to deal with. We live in a fast-paced world that has the capacity to overwhelm us and steal joy. I too have fallen prey to the pace of culture and have overbooked my calendar often trying to keep up with everyone else. We have a tendency to “keep score” as Pastor Jason says. We feel the necessity to be busy as everyone else or maybe, as I did, we feel the necessity to climb an imaginary success ladder. I found myself asking God to bless my endeavors instead of asking God what he really wanted me to accomplish for His kingdom.

It has only been recently that I stopped trying to manipulate God into believing that my plan for my life was better than His. I have found joy again and a better perspective on life. I am the first person to say, “God wants to do something through you today.” But I wasn’t a believer in my own statement. What I have realized is that the valley I was walking through God never asked me to walk through. Just like the nation of Israel, God never asked them to walk through the desert, but their disobedience put them there. My own disobedience to not trust God put me in a valley that I was not supposed to be in. Or maybe I was there for this moment. Maybe I was there so God could shape me more into His image and share it with others. However, I want to share some things that I learned from walking through a valley in hopes of helping others.

You are never alone in the valley. Israel was never alone in the desert/wilderness. David was never alone in the valley. Some valuable lessons I have learned is that God is with you always and He will put people around you to also walk with you. My wife has been incredible through this valley. She has her own perspective as a spouse watching her husband walk through the valley. Friends, family and my pastoral mentors have been a huge part of me moving past my valley. I would say God ordained many conversations that I needed to hear. I didn’t always want to listen to what was being said, but I also knew that these people cared and loved me or they wouldn’t be speaking truth over me.

I struggle with “keeping score”. In Mark 4 when Jesus was teaching about the four types of soil. While Jesus was explaining the parable to the disciples he tells them of the seed sown among the thorns. People hear the word, but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desire for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. I must admit reading this passage I always felt I wasn’t this type of person. Recently God brought to my attention that I was that very person. “Keep score” lends itself to being that person. I noticed I was consumed with comparison and trying to attain a title/position. I was trying to manipulate God into my ideas. Instead, I found myself looking into the mirror and asking the typical “why God, why?” The answer he began to show me was in Mark 4. I was not ready or in a place to receive this rebuke from God.

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Even though I was not in a place to receive what God was telling me I knew it was out of love and for my best interest to listen. There are plenty of scriptures that could serve as a reminder, but the scripture God was using sits on my desk. I look it at it numerous times a day. Yes, I was looking at it, although I was not living it out on a daily basis. Luke 9:23 says, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” It can be so easy to make a stand or a commitment once. Jesus is asking for that commitment on a daily basis. When things are going great and life seems incredible it is easy to carry the banner of Christ-follower. But He is also asking for that same level of commitment when all the distractions of life are coming at you. In the midst of things not going well I had lost sight of the truth of God’s word. I thought I had to somehow manufacture a future for myself. In reality, God was orchestrating my life so I would become dependent on Him. In reality, I was lacking trust in what God was doing in my life. In reality, God has become my source of trust, love, discipline, encouragement, and Joy again. God was and is, what I would call, pruning me. It has been a painful process of getting rid of the thorns, but it has also allowed me to move past the valley. Pruning allows for growth. Getting rid of distractions has allowed me to look in the mirror and realize I am a child of God. Getting rid of distractions has allowed me to trust God fully again. Getting rid of distractions has allowed me to take up my cross daily and follow Him. Not trying to climb an invisible ladder or hold a certain position has freed me to fulfill what God has for me right now. Right now, I am a Christ-follower, husband, dad, and a drummer.

My prayer is that He would be the same for you. I do not know the circumstances you are dealing with, but I do know the person that walks with you through those circumstances/valleys whether you believe in Him or not.

Photo by Eugene Zaycev on Unsplash

 

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Cindy and I have a saying we’ve adopted. Stay in your circle. Some books talk about staying in your lane, but we really like the circle concept. The basic principle is to draw a circle around you and fix what’s in the circle. A quick look around and the only thing in that circle should be you and Jesus. One of you is perfect and the other needs  tremendous amounts of work. I think there are lot of times we try to bend Jesus or “fix” Him to meet our needs, when Ephesians 5:1 says He is the person we need to emulate. Our pastor said something the other day in the service: “If our definition of Jesus is not biblical then we need to evaluate our definition of who Jesus is.” It was a great reminder that in the time and culture we live in, we can miss the person of Jesus just like Israel did, if we are not careful. We can fall into the same religious traps and make this journey about us.

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Several years ago in pre-planning we had to pick a word that described who we are and how we wanted to live our lives. The word that was glaring me in the face was Scriptural. Was I known for the way I live out scripture and was I willing to live my life by scripture? At first, I tried to avoid the word and wanted something easier, but the more I prayed and talked with Jesus, he kept bringing me to this concept of living out His Word. My rebuttal was, of course, I am. But Jesus was pressing more into the uncomfortable zone of where he wanted to take me. It was overwhelming to me that I could internalize my relationship with Jesus and not have any external evidence of that relationship. Here is where I wish someone would have been honest with me about a relationship with Jesus, when He prunes you…IT HURTS!! I know all the cliches and all the stereotypical things that are said, but until it happens to you and God wrecks you, then we’ll talk. I know I haven’t had the Job experience, nor do I want to, but God is directly pointing out sins that I need to repent of and ask forgiveness for. It is uncomfortable, but I also want to produce as much fruit for the kingdom as possible. Sometimes is doesn’t make any sense, but it is the push to live according to His Word.

So, life isn’t always easy when you are trying to live your life by scripture. Do I fail? Yes! But part of that failure is how I respond. I feel that sometimes my response speaks to people the most. Do I always get that right too? No! However, realizing the failure and asking God to change you is a huge step in the right direction. If, for a moment, you could imagine a sculptor looking at a large piece of stone before he begins with his hammer and chisel. I think for me that speaks the loudest. God, with his chisel, working in my life so that I look more like His Son and not myself. It also puts the pain into perspective. For the sculptor to get the statue out of the stone, the unnecessary material must be removed. In my life, that’s the sin that keeps me from looking like Jesus. It’s not easy and sometimes it’s really painful, but knowing the end result makes it more bearable. I know it is a process and it takes time. God has been hammering on me for years, and I would love to be further along in the process, but sometimes my stubbornness causes extra hammering. At the end of the day, I want to look more like Jesus and less like myself. I know its the typical Christian cliche, but it is the truth I try to live out everyday.

 

Photo by Stanley Shashi on Unsplash