As I sat and listened to my pastor talk about walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I was prompted in my spirit to give thanks to God. I have not walked in the wilderness as the nation of Israel did in the Old Testament. I do not know the pain of physical bondage or the hunger pains as they walked through the desert. However, there is something I have learned from reading scripture…the nation of Israel and David did not stay in the wilderness or in the valley. God brought them through an incredibly difficult time. They were never alone; they were never asked to do something God had not already done or was going to do in the future.

As many of you know, I have the privilege of drumming at Bethlehem Church. Pastor Jason has been preaching about emotional health and continues to address “hot topics” that our current culture is struggling to deal with. We live in a fast-paced world that has the capacity to overwhelm us and steal joy. I too have fallen prey to the pace of culture and have overbooked my calendar often trying to keep up with everyone else. We have a tendency to “keep score” as Pastor Jason says. We feel the necessity to be busy as everyone else or maybe, as I did, we feel the necessity to climb an imaginary success ladder. I found myself asking God to bless my endeavors instead of asking God what he really wanted me to accomplish for His kingdom.

It has only been recently that I stopped trying to manipulate God into believing that my plan for my life was better than His. I have found joy again and a better perspective on life. I am the first person to say, “God wants to do something through you today.” But I wasn’t a believer in my own statement. What I have realized is that the valley I was walking through God never asked me to walk through. Just like the nation of Israel, God never asked them to walk through the desert, but their disobedience put them there. My own disobedience to not trust God put me in a valley that I was not supposed to be in. Or maybe I was there for this moment. Maybe I was there so God could shape me more into His image and share it with others. However, I want to share some things that I learned from walking through a valley in hopes of helping others.

You are never alone in the valley. Israel was never alone in the desert/wilderness. David was never alone in the valley. Some valuable lessons I have learned is that God is with you always and He will put people around you to also walk with you. My wife has been incredible through this valley. She has her own perspective as a spouse watching her husband walk through the valley. Friends, family and my pastoral mentors have been a huge part of me moving past my valley. I would say God ordained many conversations that I needed to hear. I didn’t always want to listen to what was being said, but I also knew that these people cared and loved me or they wouldn’t be speaking truth over me.

I struggle with “keeping score”. In Mark 4 when Jesus was teaching about the four types of soil. While Jesus was explaining the parable to the disciples he tells them of the seed sown among the thorns. People hear the word, but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desire for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. I must admit reading this passage I always felt I wasn’t this type of person. Recently God brought to my attention that I was that very person. “Keep score” lends itself to being that person. I noticed I was consumed with comparison and trying to attain a title/position. I was trying to manipulate God into my ideas. Instead, I found myself looking into the mirror and asking the typical “why God, why?” The answer he began to show me was in Mark 4. I was not ready or in a place to receive this rebuke from God.

Even though I was not in a place to receive what God was telling me I knew it was out of love and for my best interest to listen. There are plenty of scriptures that could serve as a reminder, but the scripture God was using sits on my desk. I look it at it numerous times a day. Yes, I was looking at it, although I was not living it out on a daily basis. Luke 9:23 says, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” It can be so easy to make a stand or a commitment once. Jesus is asking for that commitment on a daily basis. When things are going great and life seems incredible it is easy to carry the banner of Christ-follower. But He is also asking for that same level of commitment when all the distractions of life are coming at you. In the midst of things not going well I had lost sight of the truth of God’s word. I thought I had to somehow manufacture a future for myself. In reality, God was orchestrating my life so I would become dependent on Him. In reality, I was lacking trust in what God was doing in my life. In reality, God has become my source of trust, love, discipline, encouragement, and Joy again. God was and is, what I would call, pruning me. It has been a painful process of getting rid of the thorns, but it has also allowed me to move past the valley. Pruning allows for growth. Getting rid of distractions has allowed me to look in the mirror and realize I am a child of God. Getting rid of distractions has allowed me to trust God fully again. Getting rid of distractions has allowed me to take up my cross daily and follow Him. Not trying to climb an invisible ladder or hold a certain position has freed me to fulfill what God has for me right now. Right now, I am a Christ-follower, husband, dad, and a drummer.

My prayer is that He would be the same for you. I do not know the circumstances you are dealing with, but I do know the person that walks with you through those circumstances/valleys whether you believe in Him or not.

Photo by Eugene Zaycev on Unsplash

 

Cindy and I have a saying we’ve adopted. Stay in your circle. Some books talk about staying in your lane, but we really like the circle concept. The basic principle is to draw a circle around you and fix what’s in the circle. A quick look around and the only thing in that circle should be you and Jesus. One of you is perfect and the other needs  tremendous amounts of work. I think there are lot of times we try to bend Jesus or “fix” Him to meet our needs, when Ephesians 5:1 says He is the person we need to emulate. Our pastor said something the other day in the service: “If our definition of Jesus is not biblical then we need to evaluate our definition of who Jesus is.” It was a great reminder that in the time and culture we live in, we can miss the person of Jesus just like Israel did, if we are not careful. We can fall into the same religious traps and make this journey about us.

Several years ago in pre-planning we had to pick a word that described who we are and how we wanted to live our lives. The word that was glaring me in the face was Scriptural. Was I known for the way I live out scripture and was I willing to live my life by scripture? At first, I tried to avoid the word and wanted something easier, but the more I prayed and talked with Jesus, he kept bringing me to this concept of living out His Word. My rebuttal was, of course, I am. But Jesus was pressing more into the uncomfortable zone of where he wanted to take me. It was overwhelming to me that I could internalize my relationship with Jesus and not have any external evidence of that relationship. Here is where I wish someone would have been honest with me about a relationship with Jesus, when He prunes you…IT HURTS!! I know all the cliches and all the stereotypical things that are said, but until it happens to you and God wrecks you, then we’ll talk. I know I haven’t had the Job experience, nor do I want to, but God is directly pointing out sins that I need to repent of and ask forgiveness for. It is uncomfortable, but I also want to produce as much fruit for the kingdom as possible. Sometimes is doesn’t make any sense, but it is the push to live according to His Word.

So, life isn’t always easy when you are trying to live your life by scripture. Do I fail? Yes! But part of that failure is how I respond. I feel that sometimes my response speaks to people the most. Do I always get that right too? No! However, realizing the failure and asking God to change you is a huge step in the right direction. If, for a moment, you could imagine a sculptor looking at a large piece of stone before he begins with his hammer and chisel. I think for me that speaks the loudest. God, with his chisel, working in my life so that I look more like His Son and not myself. It also puts the pain into perspective. For the sculptor to get the statue out of the stone, the unnecessary material must be removed. In my life, that’s the sin that keeps me from looking like Jesus. It’s not easy and sometimes it’s really painful, but knowing the end result makes it more bearable. I know it is a process and it takes time. God has been hammering on me for years, and I would love to be further along in the process, but sometimes my stubbornness causes extra hammering. At the end of the day, I want to look more like Jesus and less like myself. I know its the typical Christian cliche, but it is the truth I try to live out everyday.

 

Photo by Stanley Shashi on Unsplash

Now, I am not a musical prodigy by any means nor am I the best at music theory, but I can describe the way music has impacted my life. As a drummer, music is the rhythm of life. HA! See what I did there..no? Okay, I’ll move on. Seriously, music is a very interesting medium that speaks to the soul.  Recently, I found myself falling down the rabbit hole that is YouTube. I was intrigued by several music related videos. The Voice has blind auditions where the contestant sings a song to the four celebrity judges who are not facing them. If the judge wants them on their team, they smash their red button and their fancy chair will turn around signifying to the contestant this certain judge wants the contestant on their team. I could not imagine the stress on all parities involved. However, after watching these audition videos, there are some incredible people out there that can sang.  That’s right, Sang! Also, the judges are hilarious!  I know this is not a new show, but life is busy and trying to keep up with a reality TV show is not my top priority. This is why I am down the rabbit hole on YouTube.

Watching the auditions, I came across a thirteen year old girl that sounded like an adult female (AMAZING!) and she got two chair turns, from Kelly Clarkson and Jennifer Hudson. After the song, they asked who she was and they too were amazed that she was only thirteen. However, the young girl, overwhelmed with emotion, told Jennifer it was her dream to sing with her. In true heroic fashion, Jennifer Hudson popped up out of her chair and made her way to the stage to sing with the teen aged girl. It was a moment that I cannot seem to erase from my head. To be honest it brought me to tears. I sobbed quietly in the bed next to Cindy (who slept through all this!). Then, as I scrolled through the suggested videos, falling deeper into the rabbit hole, I found a video of an improvisation band in Japan or China. (I was using subtitles at this point!) The premise is that the band plays music and the singer makes up the lyrics on the spot. Interestingly enough, the singer asks a fifteen year old kid to join the band. He had a guitar case on his back and the singer asked if he would join them for a song on his guitar. During the short interview, the teen aged boy said he plays bass but he is not very good. The singer’s response is what grabbed me, “These people are not interested how good you are, they watch to see if you are enjoying yourself.” Again, not a prodigy myself, but what a concept. It turns out they share the chords with the kid, the drummer kicks off the song and here we go. The teen aged bass player struggles at first then he seems to lock in, and as the singer said, more people were enjoying watching him play then anything else.

It brought me to several thoughts, music is a universal language. Is watching someone play music enjoyable? And finally, the relationship between musicians is unlike any other relationship.

Using the example from earlier, music notes are the same no matter the setting in which they are played. The same teen aged kid playing bass could have easily been in any other country. I had to use subtitles to understand what they were saying. However, I did not have to use subtitles to understand the chords that were being played. A G major chord in America is the same G major chord in China. Even though I may not speak the native language, I am able to speak the musical language. Secondly, I think people do get satisfaction from watching other people make music together. Why else would an artist be able to make a living by making music and going on concert tours?  The music does play a huge part of any music tour, but there is always the visual element that draws a crowd into a time of entertainment and joy. Maybe it’s the idea that life for those two hours is pure bliss and the problems of everyday life have disappeared for a few moments. I am not an advocate for running from your problems, but I think we all know the idea of going to a concert and enjoying a little time away from the daily grind. Some artists are quick to say they want to produce a show that is enjoyable because their fans are spending their hard earned money to come to a concert. Which, I think plays well into my last point. As much as people enjoy music, I think they also enjoy watching people share something on stage together. I know, as a musician, these are some of my most memorable moments; when you forget about the crowd and share a moment with another musician on stage. It’s almost like the joy behind the joy. Now, I haven’t been on stage in front of thousands of people, but on the small scale of playing worship for my church, I have experienced this moment. Again, I was falling down the rabbit hole and found a live performance from the 2015 CMA awards. Chris Stapleton and Justin Timberlake shared numerous moments together while singing two songs and blew the audience away. Now, again, I wouldn’t advocate a certain lifestyle they are singing about, but the on stage chemistry is definitely overflowing into the audience. I know I am talking about two very accomplished people, but to watch them make music together is special. Even in the arena of leading worship, making music with people is an experience that words necessarily aren’t capable of explaining. In the video, Justin is very vocal with his band and you can tell that he is enjoying himself. The Tennessee Kids are a very tight knit group that you can tell have obviously been together for some time. As the video continues, the camera shots begin showing the audience, which happens to be some of the best artist in music, and to see their faces and enjoyment…it’s awesome!

As a drummer, I am often counting or concentrating and I miss some of these moments. The benefit of having your own YouTube channel is that I was able to go back and watch these very moments I am trying to describe happen. I am very thankful for all the opportunities I have experienced and hopefully the many more opportunities to come in the future.

Photo by Isaac Ibbott on Unsplash

What are you afraid of?

I asked my students the other day in class what they were afraid of. I was surprised by some of the answers and the brutal honesty. However, I never ask them or have them answer a question I am not willing to ask or answer myself. I was open and transparent with my seniors about what struggles or obstacles I deal with.

I am not very fond of spiders. I know they play an important part of the insect ecosystem, but when I was in middle school I was bitten by a spider. I wish it would have been radio active and I became spider man, but unfortunately, that’s not the case! I spent two days on the sofa and ended up in the ER. The doctor cut a small hole in my leg to release the infection and start the healing process. The hole was left open to heal from the inside out. I (my mother) cleaned and dressed the hole for several days in conjunction with antibiotics. I live with the scar as a reminder of how amazing, and scary, nature can be. Needless to say, when I see a spider, I head the opposite direction.

But to answer the intent of the question, I feel as though I am afraid of what God might possibly call me to do. I am a teacher at a comfortable place in my career. I am in my tenth year and things are great. Days are simple and communicating the Gospel is extremely fun. Now if you ask my students, they might disagree. I expect a lot from my students and I hold them to high standards. Although, I extend absurd amounts of grace and unconditional love. Part of my fear is that God might be calling me to more. I often feel the spirit tugging me to return to seminary to finish my masters work and move into doctoral work. (I would love to be called Dr. Fruitticher one day!) Maybe I’m afraid of the work/effort it will take? Maybe I’m afraid of failing or maybe I’m afraid of how God wants to use me? As great as teaching is, there is also a fear that this could be it? Am I going to be a teacher all my life? There is nothing wrong with being a teacher, but am I going to be the old guy that teaches Bible until he retires? Is there more out there? Then there’s the whole question about dreams and maybe those dreams have passed me by. What about passions? Aren’t we supposed to do what we are passionate about? So many questions to think about!!

I am reminded of the disciples in Mark 4. As an individual, I tend to be consumed with the circumstances. The disciples saw the wind and waves and were scared for their lives. Interestingly enough, Jesus was sleeping through the whole thing until he was awoken by the disciples! How about the audacity of the disciples to ask Jesus if he cared about them? But don’t we do the same when life gets rough and we cry out for help? Jesus, where are you? Jesus, please, we need your help! Culturally, when things are going good, Jesus is the last person on our minds. However, when “catastrophic” events happen we plead for Jesus to intervene. We treat him more like a genie than we do a Savior to walk through life with. I feel like it comes to perspective. All the disciples could see were the waves crashing over the boat. All the disciples could see was the boat beginning to sink. We too forget to have the perspective of who is actually in the boat with us.

Jesus himself asked the disciples, “What are you afraid of? Do you still have no faith?” Talk about cutting to the chase? Does the lack of faith lead to fear in the circumstances of life? Jesus, in his questioning, brings to the forefront that we need him in our everyday life, not only in the crisis moments alone. I believe we get in the habit of the signal flare prayer. We send off the flare for help hoping God notices and begins to respond. Talk about bad theology and a frustrating way to live. I think, for myself, I forget that Jesus is FOR me. For example, if I teach school until I retire, then God is for me. If I pursue dreams to become a PhD, God is for me. If I pursue another career path, God is for me. If I pursue dreams, God is for me. How or why am I so confident you may ask? It’s a great question, but many years ago I agreed to put my “yes” on the table. I told God I would be willing and open to communicate the Gospel wherever he would put me. Maybe I have an unfair advantage over the disciples, but I have placed my faith in Jesus. I push myself to walk with Jesus daily. Am I perfect, no! But in my relationship with Jesus I have learned the more I try to control the less I accomplish and the more I let Him have control the more I accomplish. Does that make life rainbows and butterflies? Not at all!! I have found that its a daily death to self and the constant straining to press on towards the goal that God has called me heavenward.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Here is Why You are Hated

It’s easier to start in the beginning, the Genesis beginning, trying to explain why you and I are hated. On the Biblical level, scripture tells us that we have an enemy that wants to kill us, steal from us and destroy us. (John 10:10) If we look into the backstory of Satan, we see that he was a created angel by God. Satan made a choice, the same choice we have as humanity, to rebel against God or to be obedient. Because of Satan’s choice, along with other angels, he was kicked out of Heaven and found residence in a place called Hell. Scripture says that pride and ego were Satan’s downfall. Satan was created to serve, as we were, but Satan’s choice was only to serve himself, not God. Genesis chapter three is filled with lots of information we have a tendency to overlook. It is the first look we get at Satan or the serpent and how he works. Maybe you have heard that Satan is the father of all lies. In Genesis chapter three, he took God’s command to Adam and Woman (not Eve until after the fall) and distorted the truth. Now, here’s the choice I keep talking about, to serve God or rebel. Adam chose to rebel and sin entered the world. Because of Adam’s poor choice, God’s redemptive plan enters in Genesis chapter three. Like any good parent (Father) trying to sort out what happened (not that God doesn’t know; in short, God is real big on us admitting, confessing and repenting of our sin), as God listens to Adam, Woman, and Satan, they all seem to cast blame. Each is then given their consequence because of their choice to rebel and how it will affect future humanity. (Gen. 3:14-20)

So the Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, “Cursed are you above all livestock and all wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life.¹⁵ And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.”

To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’“Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.”

Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living.

Don’t miss verse 15. We are hated because we are a constant reminder to Satan that he has been defeated. For some reason, I think we overlook the fact we have an enemy that hates us and tries his best to persuade us to rebel against God. Satan feeds us lies every day, distorts the truth and tries to cripples us from being obedient to the Word of God.

The Battle Within

Satan is really good at getting people to believe his lies, even Christ followers. I must admit I have fallen victim to his lies on more than one occasion. Many people may be addicted to a substance, such as drugs or pornography. Satan can use anything to distort the truth. I am so thankful to not have an outside obstacle or substance to deal with. However, my battle happens in my thought life. Paul gives great advice in 2 Corinthians to take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ. Easier said then done, Paul. Nonetheless, I must come back to the admitting, confessing and repentance aspects I spoke of earlier. I am fortunate enough to play drums at my home church. The church has been growing for a few years now and we were busting at the seams. We were holding dual services on the main campus and just opening a satellite campus. All services had a live band and two of the three venues had a simulcast of the preaching. We were feeling the growing pains in every aspect of church life. Eventually, we built a brand new worship auditorium that holds close to 900 people. The main campus now has three live services and the satellite campus now has two via simulcast, but with live worship. Some might say we battled the parking issue. Some might say we battled a space issue. Some might even say we battled the multi-campus issue. And all would be correct, but I would like to tell you about my personal struggle along the way.

Now, as with church growth, the musician pool began to increase as well. I was playing every Sunday in one of the three venues. It was awesome but I know staffing three bands was difficult. As that pool began to grow, which needed to happen, we were able to combine the main campus venues when the larger auditorium opened. With one less venue, the pool became a lot more crowded. As a musician, I love the multiple services and the multiple campuses. We are reaching more people! But I found myself in the musician pool but not being called on as often. And here is where Satan began to rear his ugly head. I began believing the lie that I wasn’t good enough anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I have the utmost respect and fondness for all the people that are playing. But when I was no longer playing every week, it messed with my mind. Now, if someone were to come to me with the same sort of circumstance, I have all kinds of scripture to give them. There would be advice on how to “trust God” and “His timing” and to “captivate your thoughts.” I would ask them “who are you trying to please” or remind them that “you play for an audience of one.” I could keep going, but maybe you get the point. The fact is, am I going to believe what I say I believe? Or am I going to listen to the lie and rebel? Am I going be grounded in the truth and be obedient?  News flash, obedience is difficult and not fun sometimes. Somewhere along the way I think we, as believers, have concocted our own lie that following Jesus is easy. For me personally, following Jesus gets more difficult every day. I say that to emphasize the more I follow and know His word, the more enlightened I become to my own shortcomings. See, the lie I bought into was that God was done with me and that I had served my time as a drummer. God had no use for me anymore or that I wasn’t good enough to play anymore. Well, that is a lie, because God is not done with me, as a drummer or any other aspect in my life, which belongs to Him. The truth is that God uses trials in my life to draw me closer to Him. Like I have stated before, it doesn’t make it any easier, but bearable. I have been fighting self-doubt, lack of self-worth, questioning my drive and my passion for drumming and examining my faith in Jesus.

The Good Book

Wow! Really Steven? All from not playing drums? Really? Yes, really! The Bible tells us that sin works something like this. Sin starts with deception/doubt which leads to our own desires, which leads to disobedience and when it’s full grown, it leads to death. (Gen. 3, James 1) We are responsible for our sin, not God. God is sinless, while we are sinful. Hence, that is why Paul wrote about captivating every thought. James would go on to tell us in his writing that God is sovereign over our trials. So, let me get this straight. God could be using this trial (not playing as much) to draw me closer to Him? Exactly! When in our trials, if we are focused on ourselves and our desires, we quickly drift off course. The goal in any trial should always be to stay focused on God. If we stay focused on Him, then we can grow in maturity and God’s likeness. We go through trials to strengthen our faith. What better way to strengthen my faith than through something I love so much. So where does that leave me now? Well, I have begun praying more over things I hardly ever prayed about. I rest on God’s word about prayer and anxiety. I make my request know and let His peace cover me. So when I find myself “waiting” in the musician pool, I have learned to pray that God would sustain me through the waiting and release me from the anxiety. Paul penned some verses in Philippians that talk about being content in any circumstance.

I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.

God knows the plan for me and I’m going to trust Him no matter the circumstance. I will not continue to listen to the lie. The enemy cannot have this foothold any longer; I belong to the creator of truth.

Photo by Gabriel Barletta on Unsplash